Not this time

 I hadn't been expecting anything remarkable from this tournament - probably my usual 1.5 or 2 points, a performance to my grade if I was lucky, and hopefully not too bad a mood swing afterwards. So to discover that I can play chess after all was more than I had dared to dream of. Whatever happened in the last round, I could be proud of my result - but since there was no pressure, why not go for something remarkable? If I could win then I would get one of the grading prizes (calculated by W-We, that is, actual score minus expected score according to FIDE rating - naturally my low 1753 gave me a headstart) but also, I believe, qualification for the British Championship. It all seemed rather surreal.

 Even at the bottom of the scoregroup I was expecting a very strong opponent, but under the circumstances it could have been worse: I had white against Christoper Rawlinson (2044), whose last grade in July 2013 was 172. Perhaps he is a bit rusty, for despite missing the best continuation on move 8 I had a winning position as early as move 15! But black still had counterplay, the position became messy, and it turned out that, after all, this was not to be my day:

 So the inconceivable was within my grasp! But not this time - somehow I managed to find the one moment when it's not good to play Rxh7, and black took his chances. Still, how was I ever allowed to get such a position? He mentioned later that he overlooked 15. Rdh4, but even if it didn't exist, does that justify such a big strategic concession as the exchange on g5? Hardly. Black already got one chance when I didn't play 8. Qh5+ - he took a lot of liberties in the opening. For me, calculation remains the Achilles' Heel, even when I am forced to look deeply - I saw all the irrelevant lines, and missed everything important! A shame, if only because I was doing quite well tactically up to this point. It might reasonably be objected that it was foolhardy to go into such a position in view of my skill set, but it had worked well enough up to now!

 Though not much has survived of my exhortation to relax in the summer, I have managed to take losses much better. It's still a disappointment, but the pill is sweetened by what was nonetheless a superb showing for me overall: a grading performance of 181, and a gain of 27 Elo that will take me up to 1780 (one point shy of my start rating as a 129!) And to reiterate - this happened in a congress! I surely have no reason to fear them any more, and losing that mental burden can only be a good thing. British Championship qualification didn't happen on this occasion, but I still have time.

 I'm not sure if this finishes my season for the year - I hope to play in the U-18/21 section of the London Junior Championship next week, if only because it would be my last ever junior event (I've said that a few times before!) but it may not be possible. We'll see. Either way, my next post will be my annual round-up of the year's top master games, so be back soon!