And again and again and again

Only four days after the miserable reverse of the previous post, I made the short trip to the stereotypical cold village hall in Cheam for Surrey's penultimate county match of the SCCU season, at home to perennial rivals Kent. Our fortunes seem to have waned a little over the last few years, and we were at a significant disadvantage even as the hosts; I was on board 10 against a 190, Richard Selway. Having played him in the 4NCL last season - taking on the team I now represent, no less - I was in two minds; I'd outplayed him most of the way, but I did lose.

This game was similar in some ways. His opening choice wasn't very successful, but I started seeing ghosts and lost the thread completely. This time though I fought back hard and even got to the brink of a winning position - only to revert to a more ordinary script:

It's reassuring to know that I haven't suddenly forgotten how to outplay 190s; as ever, I had far more problems playing against myself. Nor did I stumble into a position where normal chess logic ceases to apply - Black has given me too much rope after 13 moves to get a good game just by sticking a couple of rooks vaguely near my king. The position that arose after 18. e6! is fascinating in its own way, and is a powerful illustration of what the two bishops can achieve. I suppose it's fair in a way given how much compensation I was pre-emptively given in the opening.

No doubt the result of my previous five games had a bearing on my mental state, which is starting to reach ridiculous lows. Even so, I need to have more confidence in my position's resources than I showed on move 14 (I had the usual thing where the opponent is given half a dozen moves in a row), and to get the best results I need to forget the backstory of a game. Kramnik mentioned in an interview once how Karpov would so often get a dreary game, and labour for many hours to gradually equalise. At this point, Kramnik said, anyone else would happily agree a draw - Karpov meanwhile would start playing for a win! And playing for a win from the end position of this game would not have been difficult.

It seems that, like some sort of chess vampire, I need a constant diet of innocent weaker players to keep my belief going. I got an opportunity at the next CCF Superleague fixture, which again followed hot on the heels of this game.