A time for reflection

 Since the only reason I'd entered the U-165 was that I hoped to score well in it, I was less than delighted to be on a minus score with one round to go - especially since I had thought about playing in the Open instead. But I still had one game to go before I could ponder the lessons properly.

 This was my one and only game of the tournament against a junior; Rishul Karia, graded 139. It was also the last game of the half-season, and my last white - so the final game before I return to 1. e4. A theme running through the tournament was one side or the other not having any idea about the position and drifting helplessly. This was the most extreme instance, and gave me a wistful sight of what might have been...:

 Maybe chess doesn't have to be hard after all! As early as move 9 black is completely lost, and the rest is a rout. 8... Ng4?? was artificial enough to merit instant punishment, but 6... a6?! is also unwise and even 5... e5 is perhaps justifiably rare. In any case, it was a simple job to consolidate after bagging a Rook. But enough on this game. After the game I waited behind a few hours to get a lift home - besides a profitable amount of revision (I know it's sad) I had ample time to think about the games, and of course annotating them has also brought out my opinions.

 In the opening, I wanted to be methodical with white, sharp with black, and I managed that. On results (158 white/121 black) it would be easy to conclude, as I originally did, that sharp is bad after all. But now I see differently - I had massive positions in both Sicilians, and in the KID I just didn't know the necessary path. Even with black's technique the Catalan was nervy, the Trompowsky was just horrible, and my final opponent committed suicide.

 I learned a lot from these 6 months. With practice, my endings are much better and don't frighten me now. I can use the English as a surprise weapon. But critically, I confirmed that quiet chess isn't for me. I still want sharp clarity, and got it here with black only to be let down by playing strength. In a way, ditching e4 for 6 months was just a quick fix - "if you can't stand the heat...". Side-effects apart, avoiding messy play didn't work, so I have to improve my handling of it: play and understand openings that cater to my strengths, stop missing so many moves and ideas, and make the effort to calculate properly and keep concentration.

 I'm trying to play power chess, not mad hacks: some positions you just can't attack from, and I still wish to be a 'correct' player. That means steering for positions where aggression is justified rather than forcing the pace. These are lofty ideals, and may look stupid in 6 months time - but once I've done the spreadsheet post it will be interesting to find out together. As Korchnoi wrote, it's not clear if I will succeed - "but I very much hope that, as he delves into it, the reader will not be bored..."