Always doubting

I must apologise for the three-week hiatus, which I hope isn't a lapse back into bad ways. But I've played three games, a rapid tournament and a simul in that time, not to mention the 10 days spent fronting the London Chess Classic info desk. So let's get on with it.

I promised a second Castles game in a row for this post hesitantly, since it wasn't clear that we would be able to get a team out. But we could fill five of the six boards in the end and went ahead with our Lauder Trophy quarter-final match against South Norwood. If I was building an anti-Castles team for this competition then I would try to overpower the top boards, but 176-186, 167-156, e137-136, 121-120, e80-119, Def-119 didn't seem too bad. I was on board 2 against Martin Cath (156) - the Grand Old Man of Surrey chess, which I mean entirely as a compliment. For a 35-year stretch from the late 1960s he ran all of the inter-club competitions, and even now he is at every SCCA meeting.

I'd played him once before, just before I started blogging, on a night that Castles came within a whisker of actually winning an Alexander Cup match - unfortunately I couldn't quite put him away! Obviously I wouldn't be so happy with a draw this time, but history repeats itself...

Though we drew the match over the boards in play, the default caught up with us, and we were out, 2½-3½ (WDLLWL). I would feel a heavy burden of responsibility, but fielding a team of young players is only getting harder, and I think we can live with the disappointment of not having to organise a semi-final.

That's not to say I wasn't trying though! White's play was so unambitious that an opening advantage is almost automatic. I had the right idea - play along the c-file - but I couldn't carry it out precisely, first dithering with 12... Rc8 and later letting nerves disrupt my positional sense, which is why I rejected 22... Ne4. Soon afterwards, the careless 24... Qc4? pretty much solved White's problems, and he held the endgame very comfortably.

It's strange that I should drop half a point to plain doubt even whilst on an electric run of form, but it sums me up nicely. Confidence is never permanent. But at least I hadn't done anything worse than fail to convert a promising positional advantage. So the next game, two days, was a chance to reset.